Healthy Kids

Teaching your child to be a good friend

Your 6-year-old is busy making friends and forming social connections. This is a good time to talk with her about what it means to be a good friend and how to act in these relationships. Family dinners are a fantastic time to talk about topics you want your child to think about (call it brainwashing over broccoli). Here are some ideas for conversation:

Having more than one friend

Young children often think that they can only have one good friend at a time. For example, your daughter may really like Susie and spend lots of time with her. But if your daughter meets Emma she may reject Susie because she does not understand that it is OK to have many friends at once. Use your friendships as examples: “I’ve known Aisha since high school, but I met Lee when you were still a baby.”

Our connections with people change and develop over time. It is important to let your child know that she needs to nurture and protect her existing friendships as she makes new ones. (Now would be a good time to teach her the song “Make new friends but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.”)

Bullying

Although bullying is not usually an issue at this age, the stage is being set for it to rear its ugly head soon. Talk about how she should react if she sees another child being treated poorly. Bullying usually involves three roles: the bully, the person being bullied, and the bystander. 

You should discuss each of these roles with your child. Teaching her to stand up for others is crucial to helping her become a good friend and person. Let your child know that:

• You expect her to not join in teasing or saying mean things.
• Words hurt as much as actions.
• She should talk with a grown-up if she feels another child is being hurt or if she feels hurt by what someone said or did.

Appreciating differences

Talk about the differences in people around you. People have different shapes, sizes, ethnicities, cultures, and abilities. Point out how the world is a better place because of this diversity. It would be boring if we were all the same. Let her know that it is not OK to tease another child because he is different.

Welcoming her friends

You should take time to foster your child’s friendships. Set up play dates and encourage her to have people she likes over to your house. When a child arrives at your house:

• Make the friend comfortable: greet him by name, and tell him you are glad to see him.
• Keep an eye out on how the play date is going. You can suggest activities if they are needed and offer them snacks.
• When you deliver the friend to his parent, take time to praise his behavior. This makes both the child and the parent feel good and strengthens the budding friendship.
• Make friends with the parents of your child’s friends.

Robert Louis Stevenson said: "No man is useless while he has a friend." He was right; friendship is crucial to our success in life. Help your child find success by teaching her how to be a good friend.

You might want to read The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander: From Preschool to High School - How Parents and Teachers Can Help Break the Cycle by Barbara Coloroso